The main point about how I feel every day is this word: failure.
Some people are used to say that this is about expectations… maybe about expecting too much of you. Or that I might have higher expectations about almost anything that comes from me that the others.
I really don’t think that this is about expectations. I don’t expect much from me. Not anymore. At this point I have failed so much, so many times that I couldn’t count even if I wanted to.
I can fail doing the simplest things. I can’t feel that I can accomplish anything or do anything good. I can’t change this anymore.
Sometimes you may caught yourself thinking in nothing. Sometimes you may just want to listen to music and is caught with music that can speak to you in a very deep emotional level.
This week I end up thinking: what happen to the Imagine Dragon’s second album? Then I found out about Dan Reyonolds’s depression. I don’t remember listen to that album before, then.. oh well… It’s very different from the album that was a success. It continues with that sound that I love about them.
Their pop rock, kind of experimental and electronic sound. But it not about hope and good things. Its about not finding yourself, not connecting with this world. It’s about trying and trying and failing. It’s about this damn feeling of failure.
This album is about speak out loud about the word the should be gold and it’s not. Not to us. And he is looking for help. He is crying out loud in his songs.
It is about to be ready to give up.
I can relate to that so much that it hurts.